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September 21, 2012

Comments

BrettWitty

Just some things that caught my editing eye:

- While I like the frozen burrito line, I wonder if you want a different example to capture the idea of "sneak in a quick game of 60 second shooter". Like it's a quick guilty pleasure rather than something to do while you wait for your delicious burrito (because, following the logic through, once the burrito is done, no more 60-sec shooter because you're eating).

- Two instances of "dual-stick shooter" so close to each other is odd and potentially alienating. People who don't know what it is will be happy to overlook one instance, not two in quick succession.

- A third of the second paragraph is: "Here's a bunch of not-nice-sounding things" as part of the science gag angle. I'd reframe the entire paragraph to be more positive and punchy: "At Happion Laboratories, our scientists have discovered that 60 seconds is the ideal time period for a sustained adrenaline rush, and for training reflexes and quick-thinking. ". Putting the focus on "60 seconds" helps name retention and gets to the core of the gameplay (which you address in the third paragraph).

- I'd trim one or two examples from the third paragraph to make it punchier and avoid problems for newbies who have no context for what you're talking about. I'd omit the second question and make the first question an either-or like the rest of them. I'd trim the "death blossom" question unless you can beef it up to give context ("the awe-inspiring devastation of the death blossom").

- Typographically I'd try to put Moriwaki's quote next to his byline.

- I'd separate Moriwaki's quote from your byline with a little editing: Sixty Second Shooter is brought to you by Jamie Fristrom, head of Happion Laboratories and the critically acclaimed Spider-Man 2 and Schizoid. (What's the difference between being acclaimed by critics and being judged worthy for an award?)

Jeremy Parker

As an outsider, Tomo's recommendation of the game would seem less credible to me knowing that both of you worked on Spider-man 2. I'd look at it as a typical case of a game developer getting one of his buddies to give a game a good review rather than it holding any actual weight on its own.

Isn't there someone else in the industry who could review the game?

Jamie Fristrom

Hi Jeremy! That's a good point. I do have a few quotes from other industry people but none are as strong as Tomo's. Are you volunteering? I seem to have lost your e-mail...

Jeremy Parker

Ha - I don't know that I could help out either... for much the same reason.

Anon

Name dropping with or without permission makes me uncomfortable. I'm more distracted about why you did this and it's consequences than playing your game.

Off topic, but would it hurt to make the first letter in each word of the game's name uppercase?

Happionlabs

Too late now, and I doubt you're following the comments Anon, but I am curious why it makes you uncomfortable. It's a pretty standard marketing thing ... I could find tons of examples. (And it is with permission, of course!)

On the lowercase thing, that's a reaction to how most action games have these over-the-top bold outlined all-caps logos, as if by adding a bunch of exclamation points they can make something more exciting. I like the understated simplicity and minimalism of the lowercase logo. Did I need to carry that through into the text about the game? No, probably not...

Anon

My most likely prejudiced and possibly misguided opinion is the PSM platform has a broader range of contributors, therefore I don't expect to see the same kind of sales tactics as used by the bigger companies. I'm not saying anyone deserves a level playing field, but it would be nice, right?

It's not a big deal. The platform is not exclusive to nobodies. And copying from the best is common in many aspects of life (in this example, using the same sales tactics as bigger companies).

This is starting to get long... I just want to enjoy games. History doesn't change the game, it only changes people's perspective of the game, for better or for worse.

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The Games

  • Energy Hook
    3D grappling-and-swinging-and-running-on-walls-and-doing-tricks ... with a jetpack ... for style!

Jamie's Bragging Rights

  • Spider-Man 2
    The best superhero games of all time Game Informer
    Top five games of all time Yahtzee Croshaw
    Top five superhero games of all time MSNBC
    Top 100 PS2 games of all time Official Playstation 2 Magazine
    1001 Games You Must Play Before You Die Nomination for Excellence in Gameplay Engineering Academy of Interactive Arts & Sciences
  • Schizoid
    Penny Arcade PAX 10 Award
    Nominated for XBLA Best Original Game
    Nominated for XBLA Best Co-Op Game