The Company Fomerly Known As Hewlett-Packard Saga Continues

Fry's has a part to play in this as well - they're the retailer I bought the machine from.  (If only I'd remembered that CostCo lets you return a computer within *six months* of its purchase date...)  I call them, tell them that HP is jerking me around, and they tell me to bring the machine in and they'll take care of it. 
"Taking care of it" turns out to mean after booting it and watching it hang a couple times with their own eyeballs, they run a diagnostic suite overnight which says the computer is just fine.  "The problem must be software," they tell me.  "Your service plan doesn't cover software.  That'll be seventy bucks."
So that's something to remember about Fry's "service plans" - they can just tell you, "The problem's software," and then they don't have to do anything.  Oh yeah, and they can charge you for it.  I did manage to talk them out of that, at least.

So, once more into the breach;  I call the company formerly known as Hewlett-Packard and manage to get through.  I tell them that the case manager never called me, I'd like to talk to him, and that I need recovery disks.
"I'll send you the recovery disks, but tell me, if you get the recovery disks, what do you need to speak to a case manager for?"
Fine.  Just send the recovery disks.
"Very good, sir.  There will be a charge of $29.95."
I go nuclear again.  Again, I'm told a case manager will call me.  I point out the number of times that promise has been broken already.  This time it'll really happen, I am assured. 
A couple days later, after the case manager hasn't called, I call and do manage to get in touch with one.  Hooray!  I manage to stay calm and ask for the recovery disks, free of charge.  He agrees to send them to me, and transfers me to someone to fulfill the order.
That someone says, "Did he give you his phone number?"
"No, why?"
"Well, he's got your case locked in the database, so I can't actually enter the order for you.  Tell you what, I can have him call you--"
"No!  That's not acceptable!" I say, on the verge of tears.  "They never call.  They never, ever call."
Perhaps he took pity on me, because he somehow managed to solve the problem and get the order in for me. 
The recovery disks arrive the next day!
I reverently put the first one in the CD drive - it takes ten minutes to boot, which is strange - and then partway through installing it says, "CD/DVD read error.  Press any key to continue."
I do.
The system reboots.
In the midst of my preparations for Hari-Kari I receive a phone call.
It's a case manager from the company formerly known as Hewlett-Packard.  And he speaks perfect English.  He apologizes for not calling sooner, says he was sick, and wants to know if everything was going okay with those recovery disks.

You know, it almost made everything okay.  BUT - it turns out this was just a trick.  You see, if he hadn't called, I probably would have just thrown the computer out of a moving vehicle and been done with it.  But this phone call gave me hope.  I told him the disks didn't work and he agreed that the media might be bad and he'd have new ones out to me as soon as possible.
Two days later.  The new ones don't work either. 
He offers to replace my computer, but I need the proof of purchase.  I e-mail him a copy of the receipt.
So, guess what - he doesn't actually get to receive his own e-mail.  It has to be processed by some other people first before they send it on to him.  "So, when are you going to call?"
"Tuesday at the latest," he says.  That's four days later.
I see if there's anything I can do to shave the turnaround time.  "You know, I have the box the machine came in, can I just pack it up and send it in, so I don't have to wait?"
No - he has to send me a new box.
So, despair.  But hey, they're replacing the computer.  How bad can it be?
Of course, guess what?  It's Tuesday night.  He didn't call.  I tried calling him.  I got this message:
"Your case manager's voice mailbox is full.  Goodbye."
Stay tuned for more adventures with the company formerly known as Hewlett-Packard!

Comments

[Cathy P]

thanks for dealing with these bozos!
you're the best :)

[Hugh "Nomad" Hancock]

Do you mind if I point BoingBoing or similar to these posts? This sort of staggering incompetence seems like it should have a wider audience.

[Stuart Roch]

My god, this is funny stuff (not for you unfortunately). Truly, you couldn't make this up if you wanted to. One can only hope someone from HP reads this thread, but I can't imagine it would make any impact with a company as large as theirs. Interesting read though - count me out for HP PC's going forward.

[M to the Vizzah]

This is why I buy Apple products. Pay the AppleCare tax, take it into a retail location, never ever ever hear a complaint from them about anything, they just fix it or replace it, no questions asked.

Martin just bought a Lenovo nee IBM Thinkpad so I'm waiting to see how awful their service is (and him buying it was already an ordeal) before I can recommend it to people who are obsessed with using shitty PCs.

m.

[Despayre]

Wow I had heard that HP had gone down the tubes in the last few years, but this kind of incompetence is just mind boggling.

The sad part is, this type of service is not uncommon at all in many industries. Ask anyone thats ever had to deal with Verizon's support department.

I guess this just reinforces the idea that it's better to just build the system yourself anymore. You may not have a tech support number to call, but at least if it screws up you know who to blame:)

[Chris Busse]

I've never had any problems with Verizon, either phone or DSL. Of course, I usually call at about 2 or 3am Pacific, I make it clear to the tech that he isn't dealing with a bozo, and we get right to business solving the problem.

I've only had to do this 2 or 3 times in 5 years, but each time has been fast and we've found the problem fairly quickly.

They even pumped my line from 768 to 1.5 even though supposedly I was on old wires. Guy said, let's try it. If it doesn't work it'll auto kick down to 768. I've had double my original speed for 3 years now.

From what Jamie is writing, though, sounds like I'll never get HP stuff. I think I have a printer of theirs, but it hasn't given me any problems.

I've bought Alienware for my last two comps and they had great service both times. One time I had to get a new MB because it was one of the ASUS one's that wouldn't play nice with a DirectX update or the NVidia card I had or something, after confirming it was one of the suspect boards, they fedex'd me a new MB, I swapped it out, and sent them back the old one, no problems. They originally offered to have me send my entire comp on their dime and replace, but I said, let's go with the swap out. I'm worried with the Dell buyout, but Dell has had good service from working at Treyarch and now at EA. But, who knows how they are with individuals.

[jack]

buy an emachines. they only have like 4 models to keep things simple. Have purchased 2 of them. They work great.

[Calista]

well... this is truley unfortunate... i hate to say it, but i am an HP Quality Case Manager. what was the name of the QCM you spoke with? it sounds like there was some broken process going on here that should have never occured and it needs to be delt with. however, I am american support only, so i may not be able to assist in any way, but i would deffinantly like to see whats going on in your case.

[Sarah]

I will spare you the details because my experience with HP since February 19th has been very similar. My 2 month old computer broke down and after hours on the phone and being really tough on them I am getting a replacement- in 5-7 days!
Fortunately for me I have not paid for the computer in full- I had a special deal from Circuit City and have until June to pay off without interest. I will hold off until the last minute and am hoping the replacement will work- although I have doubts now.
In short, isn't there something to be done to punish such outrageous service? If anyone has some information on what can be done I would really appreciate it.

[Rich]

HP customer service is completely worthless. After sending in my one month old laptop and it coming back to me in the same non-working condition, my HP case manager has promised me a replacement laptop. It has been almost 2 months since the promised date of shipment and I still have not received it. The few times that I
was able to talk to my case manager, he has given me a date that the replacement should arrive at my home. It never has. Most recently, I waspromised that it should arrive at my door on 5/21. It never did. He hasnever called me back as promised. I have always had to call and most of the time I am told that, "He is at lunch." or "He is at a conference." My computer works for 10 minutes before it goes to a blue screen. I NEED A WORKING COMPUTER. Is there ANYONE who can help me with this or knows of another way to contact a higher lever of HP? I would really appreciate it.

[Jakub Wojtkiewicz]

FOR FUKSAKES I AM HAVING THE SAME GOD DAMN PROBLEM I NEED A COMPUTER EMAIL ME IF SOMEONE KNOWS HOW TO GET A HP CASE MANAGER TO CALL ME BECAUSE IVE REQUESTED A CASE MANAGER LIKE EVERY THREE DAYS FOR THE PAST 3 WEEKS NOONE HAS CALLED ME EMAIL ME PLEASE IF ANYONE HAS ANY SUGGESTIONS.kuba_y@hotmail.com